Wednesday, June 25, 2008

People, Trust, Relationships!!

In all my relationships I start with an implicit assumption that a person is to be trusted unless he/she proves to be unworthy of it.

In certain cases I made exception and actually trusted people who I might have felt were not worthy enough. And then....

they took no steps but I still took two steps at a time to win them over.

they had bloated egos but I killed my own to win them over.

they provoked me time and again but I overlooked it all to win them over.

they had in fact made it evident right at the start that they don't trust/like me but still I tried to win them over.

..... and I did this with sound faith in the goodness of being that I will be able to win their trust over if not them entirely.

But I guess....

I was naive
I was unreal
I was overly optimistic
I was being too good than what they actually deserved

.... as I learned a harsh lesson in relationship management today. I was proved wrong and I realized that I perhaps need to apply my assumption more carefully henceforth.

I fear that I will perhaps never be the same ever again now .... and this is a cause of great concern for me for I now run the risk of not applying my assumption when it ought to be and applying when it ought not.

I pray to the lord almighty to bless me with sound wisdom and take care of these fears...
.... and I surely trust him for that and this is not an assumption that I am making!!

Monday, June 23, 2008

Emptiness, Nothingness, Tiredness...

Last week was easily one of the most intense weeks of my life. I got so involved with each and every minute thing that now I am not able to come to terms with the fact that its all over. After the initial euphoria of successful completion of tasks planned for many months many hours, a strange feeling has engulfed me since morning.

I wish last week had continued forever
The clock stopped ticking and didn't move ever
I wish I could re-say every word that was said
And if I could replay every act in my head

But thats not going to be

I am dazed
I am numbed

Life has a huge void and all around I can only sense emptiness
Feels as if I am drowning in a deepening sea of nothingness
No gumption to fire myself again for any goal due to acute tiredness

Nothing to do nowhere to go, its a real odd day
Alone, Exiled, Sombre, Melancholy, its really a sad day

I just feel like throwing in the towel today

I just feel like throwing in the towel today!